My previous art blog Into the mysterious world of fungi, through the lens of an artist was an ode to this remarkable organism which underpins all life forms on planet Earth. My entanglement with fungi continues, which also led me to explore its psychedelic powers, and for a long time I have been wanting to share the story about my experience with magic mushrooms.
Mushrooms at the End of the World, pen, ink & gouache illustration (30 x 42 cms) by Ankita Singh © 2022
Scientifically speaking the magic part of mushrooms is attributed to an alkaloid, psilocybin - the most potent psychoactive compound in fungi. Once ingested it metastasizes into psilocin, which is attached to the serotonin receptors of the brain causing the trip [1]. There are about 200 recorded species of psilocybin producing mushrooms. Some of the common species include P. azurescens, P. cubensis, P. semilanceata and P. stuntzii.
The nerd in me wanted to go down the rabbit hole to learn about the ancient knowledge, tradition & stories about our relationship with trip-inducing psychoactive plants - referred to as entheogens (that induce alterations in perception, mood, consciousness, cognition, or behavior). To name a few ayahuasca, peyote, acacia trees (few species) and many others have been consumed by humans since ancient times across cultures for sacred ritualistic purposes, often intended for spiritual awakening.
Rock art and sculptures by ancient humans (Source)
(From L to R) Rock art Tanzania, Temple of Hathor, Egypt, Persephone & Demeter adoring a sacred mushroom, Greece, Khajuraho Temple, India
The shamans of the Amazon region still carry on these rituals, passed on to them from generations as songs of calling out to abuelita nature for healing and aligning with her rhythm. Many indigenous tribes also practice these ancient ceremonies to help their community heal from addiction, PTSD or as a right of passage. These stories fascinated me and led me in search of my own journey to delve into nature's wisdom.
Interestingly, we are not the only ones who can trip! Several animals have also been known to consume entheogens, though the reasons remain unclear. This behavior has helped spread psilocybin spores far and wide. It is an example of how nature thrives with cooperation, where everyone plays a role.
Nature holds intelligence incomprehensible to us, our ancestors recognised & understood this very well and held ceremonies as a token of respect.
My first serious thoughts about psilocybin mushrooms started brewing when I met some interesting people during my travel to Auroville a few years ago. It was during one such late night conversation under the open sky with my new friends I heard their stories about expanding our consciousness with mind altering substances. One of them had gone for an ayahuasca ceremony in Peru, where a scientist shared her experience as understanding the link between spirituality and quantum physics. This particular story stood for me. I thought how fascinating it is to tap into the mysterious side of our human existence. Hearing their stories definitely gave me a sense of comfort and evoked curiosity to experience it someday for myself. For me it had to be with the mushrooms. Every time I have thought of that night I have found myself engulfed in a warm energy.
Bonfire, music and conversations, Auroville
As time passed by that conversation stayed with me, amongst other beautiful memories from Auroville. In the meantime I began to question, what do psychedelics do to our brain? I asked myself, how can I have a safe and a meaningful experience? I turned to the internet and books to find answers. Documentaries such as how to change your mind, Psychedelics: The scientific renaissance of mind-altering drugs, various Joe Rogan podcasts on this topic with interesting selection of guests and Merlin Sheldrakes Entangled life , helped me comprehend what to expect to some extent.
The books I read
I concluded setting an intention would be a good start. So, I began journaling my thoughts & intentions, which created a space in my mind to trust the mushrooms.
In the monsoon of 2022, my partner and I decided to venture into this unknown territory together. We chose to be in the western ghats to have our first adventure with psilocybin mushrooms. We stayed at a low-key, non-touristy farmhouse recommended by our friends. This decision paid well as it allowed us to focus on our experience without any noise or distraction.
Glimpses of life sprouting at the farm house
I remember the view from our window when the sun was beginning to set and the sky was lit with hues of pink and blue. I soaked in the energy and took a deep breath as butterflies fluttered in my stomach. After all the moment I had been anticipating for so long was finally here! We calculated our dosage and made a smoothie of fresh mushrooms, which turned blue on bruising (a sign of psilocybin). We meditated together on our intentions before chugging the intense tasting smoothie and gave each other a comforting hug.
A little piece of magic in my hands
I let the funky taste pass by and waited for the mushrooms to show me what they wanted to. In about twenty minutes a strong sensation took over and pulled me towards itself. I gravitated towards a comfortable space I had created for this occasion. A dimly lit room with aromatic candles and sounds of native American flute playing on my speakers.
Intuitively I closed my eyes and slid into my trip. Trusting the journey and asking the mushrooms to show me the truth. In about forty five minutes my limbs were useless and I was on a full blown trip!
As soon as I closed my eyes, elaborate colorful visuals began floating in front of me. The scenes were like super fast edits from a film. A bee came by, and I, a tiny human, hopped over. The humble bee was my ride, we seemed to have a clairvoyant understanding and off we went. The setting opened into a dense tropical jungle, where everything was interacting and seemed to be in reciprocity. All the creepy crawlers, snakes, spiders and chameleons started to show up. The creatures that I am most afraid of, but at that moment I wasn’t! Surprisingly there was no fear. They showed up and vanished like ether. It felt like a place where the universe was birthing life.
I remember just feeling mesmerized by the beauty I was witnessing. Streams of tears were rolling down my cheeks. Perhaps my mind expanded to mingle with the pool of universal consciousness. I had experienced the most euphoric moment of my life! Maybe this is what divine love feels like?
Mushrooms the key to our subconsciousness, pen, ink & gouache illustration (30 x 42 cms) by Ankita Singh © 2022
I don't know how long it all lasted, but the idea of space and time was well diluted. Everything I was witnessing felt more real than this life we call reality. There were some episodes of laughter riots and distorted visuals when I briefly opened my eyes. But the real trip was happening within.
There were other visions too, some connected, some not. I remember seeing the face of a WWI soldier. A young white man I had never seen before. I still dont know who this person was and why he appeared? Then suddenly my grandfather emerged like a massive tree sprouting from my ancestral home. Maybe his presence was a way of letting me know he is watching over, a feeling that till date comforts me.
Towards the end of my seven hour or so long trip I meditated with a very calm mind. The level of mindfulness was intense. In a dream-like state I was asking questions and receiving the answers.
After a few days had passed I let it all sync in and tried to make sense of my visions. My intention of ‘I am open to anything’ and by surrendering my ego had melted which allowed me to be more accepting. In return I had received a profound message from the mushrooms, ‘everything is connected to everything else’ nothing is in isolation. There is beauty in the interconnectedness of life - it is our essence. It also made me realize we take ourselves too seriously which only holds us back. The mushrooms taught me to let go of my fears, insecurities, and the need for control. Could it be a reason why many people call psychedelic sessions equivalent to thousands of hours of therapy?
There is a world beyond ours.. That world talks. It has a language of its own. I report what it says. The sacred mushroom takes me by the hand and brings me to the world where everything is known.. I ask them and they answer me - Maria Sabina
The message grew on me over time and I started to observe how life is weaved like an interconnected web. It is ridiculous to think we are the ace creatures of this planet when in reality we are also a part of the system. We are not separate, we are also nature! Imagining myself as one of the threads in the vast network of the mycelium I wanted to share the message of interconnectedness of life - a universal truth, which the mushrooms had shown me.
As an artist creating art was the most natural thing to do. I illustrated my vision as close as possible to what I remembered seeing and fantasised a bit for my painting ‘The Interconnectedness of life’. When I finished the painting I recalled my vision. The love I had experienced was unconditional, indescribable and not the kind we can understand. I smiled and thanked the universe for this blessing.
The Interconnectedness of life, Gouache painting (59 x 84 cms) by Ankita Singh © 2023
I have read numerous people have reported profound experiences of loss of individuality and union with the universe. Indeed nature has a way of communicating with us, and it’s trying to tell us something important through psilocybin, but only if we learn to listen. If we do, maybe the world would become a more peaceful place and we all can learn to live in harmony? A wishful thinking but I can dream.
Psychedelics are not for everyone (and should not be consumed without proper knowledge & guidance) and not all trips are pleasant. If consumed with good intentions it can be an eye opening experience. It's wild that psilocybin mushrooms in most countries are illegal. While alcohol, tobacco, and many dangerous pharmaceutical drugs are not! We live in a greedy, hypocritical society governed by a handful of powerful people.
It’s been over two years since this experience but it was powerful enough to open a floodgate of dreams and ideas that have begun to influence my thoughts and slowly seeping into my work. I find myself drawn towards the wisdom of the natural world and the more I delve the more I trust them. The Flora, the fauna and the funga evolved much before us. And without funga, flora and fauna won’t exist. It’s time we drop the notion we know everything.
Your writing is revolutionary and thought provoking. Your experience has left me thinking regarding the possibilities and opportunities which nature has here to offer. Reading the details was so engrossing. ❤️